i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had sex on a roof
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
