Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
