I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
