dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
