explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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