I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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