I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize