from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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