They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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