WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
