is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
