cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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