Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
