Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dear god my vagina.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
