Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
