I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
