i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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