Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
