do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you had me at cake vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
