she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
