i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
