When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
