Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
