just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
