apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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