Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
