i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
