i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
