So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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