This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
