I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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