haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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