I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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