My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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