You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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