my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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