I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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