I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
