just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
