hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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