He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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