Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
not ubering you a puppy
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