And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
