We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
zippers are such a cool invention
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
