Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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