All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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