Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
