Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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