I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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