I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
