If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
