You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize