How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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