There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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