The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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