Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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