Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
