i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
