just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
