I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
