That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
