Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
