you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
