peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
