Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
