And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
