dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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