Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again