I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies