I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...