Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen