just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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