R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
