I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
