Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
