that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
