paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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