Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
