office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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