My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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